Generally speaking there are two camps: Jemaine or Bret.
I decided to ‘pitch my tent’ on both sides as I am a greedy little minx. Although, as it turns out, I tend to use Bret for more of a holiday accomm kind of situation and Jemaine as a base. We are very happy with this arrangement, thanks for asking.
This guys milkshake is bringing it to the yard so freakin’ hard that even if that is actually a REAL taxidermed puppy dog, the strictest of lady vegans would let it slide for a lick of his delectable man nipples. Or, you know, they’d call for back up: http://www.rspca.org.au/
Guys, here’s the thing: if you have a stomach like Alex Winter in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, American Apparel totally make cropped athletic tees now.
Popular culture has demonstrated that men like gawping at cleavage, or lower backs, or decolletage. Well, next time you see a guy yawn/stretch, or try to take off his jumper, check if there are any women in the vicinity. If there are, see where they are looking. I guarantee they’ll be staring at the five or so inches of prime real estate from belt upwards.
Guys accidentally flashing mad tummy action is like those pin-ups from the 1950s where the girl is all “My underpants totally just fell down and the wind is blowing my skirt up, but I’m holding this bag of groceries and I can’t do anything about it!” and there’s some guy in the background scratching his head like “Gee whiz, will you look at that.” When your top rides up, we are that guy.
Buckcherry - Lit Up
The irony of finding this song sexy (perhaps it was Joshua Todd’s stomach in the video) is that rock dudes on epic cocaine benders do not particularly interesting or even capable lovers make. Still, for roughly 3:35-minutes, we can dream.
If you were one of the people who actually got around to seeing Fanboys, like me, you were likely disappointed (would you believe me if I said that it wasn’t nerdy enough? It wasn’t), except for one saving grace: Dan Fogler. Go watch the trailer again and listen to him say, “This is a suicide mission” (it’s at 0:23-minutes; you’re welcome). You would have sex with this man all. night. And then play Guitar Hero.
Except it wouldn’t be all nachos and DVD marathons; dude runs a theatre company and has won a Tony award. So for your birthday he’d probably take you to see the Royal Shakespeare Company, but would sneak in a hipflask. Sigh.
Who is that chick on the left? I have no idea! Stop harshing my buzz! All I know is that Brian Bell from Weezer is a stone fox and I’m not going to lie to you and say that I haven’t seriously considered moving to Encino just so I can accidentally bump into him at the corner store. And when I say “accidentally” I mean “naked” and when I say “at the corner store” I mean “on my bed, which he is currently handcuffed to”.
Eugene Hutz AKA The Hutz AKA My future husband.
No. You are not mistaken. This IS a magic eye picture for your VAGINA. If you stare at it long enough you’ll see yourself gazing back at yourself in full gypsy punk garb dancing for Gogol Bordello. Come on baby make it Hutz so good.
Dear Simon Amstell
I know it’s very un-PC to request that a homosexual chap change his ‘spots’ simply to please an adoring ladyfan, but if you could see it within the kindness of your heart to just take a day or two off jonesing for cock in order to lie around in the nude with me making pop culture witticisms and drinking brandy I’d be ever so grateful.
Admit it. There have been times when you thought about being bench-pressed by vintage 1970s Ahnuld.